Dear Fam,

It seems today, that there are lots of folks slipping in to a state of Neverland. In a not too distant past, growing up included getting married and having kids to the general population. In a few short decades we are told to not dream about marriage or starting a family. We are told not to even include them in our checklist of adulthood, they’re more like ‘nice to haves’ if it happens at all.

In parallel, we are seeing a very real breakdown of families. People vocally do not want to become parents. Fatherhood and Motherhood have been skewed to sympathetic life sentences.

There’s a funny thing about mother nature, however. She is not driven by politics or culture of the time. In the end, her nature has its way. Men and women were divinely built to be attracted to each other. To point where, only one man and one women together can create a human life. It’s pretty rad.

But since some people live in their own reality, and will label these first few paragraphs judgmental, bigoted, and whatever phobia…Let’s turn to Hollywood, because why the hell not?

What better way to discuss this than a deep dive analysis on the 1991 classic Hook. Who doesn’t love a analysis on one of their favorite childhood movies?

We recently watched Hook as a family and it had been a long time since we last watched this movie. Which is a shame, it’s truly a classic. And John Williams delivers pure magic in the score. Its that music, tied with the fantastical Peter Pan, and the messages, struggles, relatable plot that so hits home for parents. It did for me as a parent.

How do we handle adulthood and navigate it with the temptation of Neverland (aka. forsake divine responsibility and never grow up) beneath the surface? Is finding the same happy thought that Peter Banning ultimately discovers the pinnacle of our existence?

For those who haven’t ever seem this film. Shame on you. Go watch it. But also, prepare for some spoilers. Ru-fi-OOOOooooooooo.

In the end, we hope this note truly inspires you to find the same happy thought.

Too many adults today live in Neverland

Why should you care about our analysis on Hook? Well, instead of spewing statistics and data that can change at the whim of the institution funding it, we have a decently rated movie, beloved by many over several decades, directed by the Steven Spielberg, a product of Hollywood, that quite literally promotes:

• Growing up
• Taking Responsibility
• Getting Married
• Becoming a parent
• And loving your children

So let’s get into it:

Peter Banning represents a lot of parents today, and adults today – work over family. Lose yourself to outward pressures and find fulfillment in outside reward.

Moira Banning: [after throwing Peter’s phone out the window] I’m sorry about your deal.
Peter Banning: You hated the deal.
Moira Banning: I hated the deal. But I’m sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they’re the ones that want us around. After that, you’re going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It’s so fast, Peter. It’s a few years, then it’s over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.

Captain James Hook: [to Peter as he traps him and grinds his hook near his face] You know you’re not really Peter Pan, don’t you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you’ll just be Peter Banning – a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!

Neverland served the purpose, and should serve the purpose, of keeping children from taking themselves too seriously. The moment Pan is able to reconnect with himself, his inner child, he remembers who he truly is. The Peter Pan.

But once he is Peter Pan again, back in Neverland, he tends to forget about his family and home.

But the happy thoughts discussed in the movie were mostly about parents.

When Tink is pushing Pan to remember his happy thought and takes him to the tree house from when Wendy came to Neverland, he remembers.

Pan’s happy thought is becoming a dad. The reason he left Neverland to grow up is because he wanted to marry Moira and become a father.

Pan: Daddy
Moira: Peter your a daddy
Peter: Hi Jack…
I know why I came back, I know why I grew up, I wanted to be a father.
Peter: I’m a Daddy. Happy though. I got it! I got it! I found it!

But there’s still Hook. Hook is such a perfect representation of society of man. He wants to take Peter’s children and make them love him instead, but he doesn’t love them at all. They are pawns to him in his vengeance for Pan. 

Captain Hook: You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won’t you share your thoughts with the whole class?
Maggie: Yes! I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!
Captain Hook: Loves you? Isn’t that the, uh, the…
Smee: The ‘L’ word, Captain.
Captain Hook: Ooh, yes! [grimly chuckles]
Captain Hook: No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a party! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!
[inhales deeply]
Captain Hook: Can’t you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.

Captain James Hook: For a father who’s never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn’t save you on the ship.
Jack: [starts to cry] Who wouldn’t save us…
Captain James Hook: Who *couldn’t* save you, Jack.
Jack: [tearfully] Well, he – he wouldn’t. And he didn’t even try. He was there and we were there and he wouldn’t try.
[pulls his cap down as he cries]
Captain James Hook: [pulls his cap up] Jack… he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don’t you answer now. No, no, no, no, no. Now it’s time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home; that place of broken promises.
Jack: That what?
Captain James Hook: Have I ever made a promise, Jack… I have not kept?
Captain James Hook: Have I, son?

Neverland is a place where you don’t grow up, you forget your responsibilities and your parents. And Peter almost forgot again, more than once.

But in the end, he did not, and he chose to fight for his kids.

Peter Pan: Jack, Maggie, all you have to do is think one happy thought, and you’ll fly like me.
Maggie: Mommy.
Jack: My dad, Peter Pan.

In the end, Pan chooses to leave Neverland again, with his children. He chooses to go back to his family and become a better father. He chooses that over never growing up and playing games with lost boys and fighting pirates. 

MTHRFTHRs live in Reality but respect Neverland.

Parents, we have to leave Neverland behind and grow up. We have the most important job in the world, raising children. There is no job more important, although, society would argue that fighting for Neverland is more important OR growing up and choosing to not raise a family.

Don’t become the Peter Banning in the beginning of the movie, or others will swoop in and Hook your kids. See what I did there. If you see yourself in Peter Banning in the beginning, check yourself now.

We grew up watching this movie and never has it viscerally impacted me than it did during my recent viewing.

You guys, Hook (played impeccably by Dustin Hoffman) is a symbol of all the horror we see in our world of everyone trying to control children and get parents out of the way.

“Run home Jack…”

Your children should be running home to you every day. There is no one else on the planet your children should run to. Not the government, not the teachers, not their friends.

You are their North Star, not their second star to the right. You are their home base, not their Neverland.

If you are a trash parent, fix it. There is no higher God-given calling than that to be a parent. The harm you do to your children is known to God.

If you are a parent who regrets having children because of “how terrible the world is…” (or a worse reason)…. STOP IT. Regretting that you brought your children into this world… What a terrible message. It is pathetic. And imagine how your children feel hearing you say that. It is not helpful. It’s horrendous language. It is a lose lose whine of immaturity.

If you are an adult who believes is above the calling of parenthood and actively chooses to not have children. There are many responses I could say to this. There are many reasons individuals choose not to have children. But I will say, if your reasoning is to eat, drink, and be free nights and weekends, then Neverland has captured you.

Pan’s happy thought literally gave him the power to fly, and his happy thought was becoming a Father. Becoming a parent is as miraculous as our very own existence.

To live will be an awfully big adventure.” – Peter Pan

We argue, to live and raise a family may be bigger.

Always,

MTRHFTHR